Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This is unacceptable on so many levels, I don't know that I can even explain how unacceptable it is.
Top 10 Reasons You Should NOT Smoke In The House
10. The whole house stinks even if you smoke with your head sticking out the window
9. You may cause me to throw precious things out of that very same window, like your vintage ash tray from the 50's
8. You will make all my expensive clothes smell bad, which really ends up worse for you in the long run, because you'll be the one to replace all of them
7. Leaving your cigarette butts on the porch for me to eventually clean up is also disgusting
6. Smoking causes lots of undesirable things, like for instance... Death
5. Apparently you want me to die too because second hand smoke kills, don't you watch the news?
4. It sets a poor example for your children
3. Smoking is bad for you appearance and my attraction level to you. Examples of this include: Yellow Teeth, Wrinkles, Yellow finger nails and hands that smell like tobacco, and YOU taste like an ash tray
2. Washing your kitchen walls after years of you smoking in the house is so incredibly gross and not an experience I'd like to repeat
and the number one reason you should NOT smoke in the house...
1. You'll make your fiancee scream (that may be an understatement) at you! And that alone should be reason enough!
Monday, March 2, 2009
The other night we went to the Elbo Room for our monthly dose of Shutter. Normally I semi-dread this event, but it can be fun don't get me wrong. It’s just necessary to come prepared to deal with ill-mannered people, and apparently I didn’t come prepared enough on this particular evening. Or a couple shots ahead of time seems to do the trick too, but I didn't have enough of those either it seems.
Here’s a little background for those of you who have not been to the Elbo Room: This is not a fancy bar. This is not one of those places where there is “reserved seating” and bottle service. This is just a cool place to hang out with a few limited tables here and there and a dance floor to dance your little heart out on.
Fast forward to about an hour into our evening…
All was going well and we were dancing and generally having a good time, when one of our slightly drunk friends slightly twisted her ankle (she was wearing some very fabulous five inch wedges with black and white polka-dots by the way). So understandably, she felt like she needed to sit down. There happened to be an open table in front of us so without a second thought we took it. Apparently, it wasn't as “open” as it appeared to be and two “ladies” (I use this term loosely because I think in reality they could be blood sucking vampires) came over and proceeded to inform me that this was "their table". (From here on out they will be referred to as Vampire 1 and 2… On second thought I think we will only be discussing Vampire 1 because it seemed to me that Vampire 2 was “Uh-huh, what she said girl” and so as far as I’m concerned girls like that don’t really exist). How can one claim a table when they're not even sitting at it you ask? Especially in a crowded bar with limited seating to begin with? Well you see this question perplexed me as well. I was very confused at her statement, how could this table be hers if she wasn’t sitting at it and the only thing remotely resembling a personal belonging was a scarf haphazardly thrown over the side of a chair?!? Generally, as I’m sure most of you know, I am a non-confrontational person. However, if I think you are being rude and inconsiderate that can change. So I said to Vampire 1 "No it's not, you're dancing over there not sitting here". Vampire 1 seemed to stare at me for a moment (probably contemplating whether she should suck my blood for calling her out on her total BS) before realizing she seemed to know our friend Adrienne and then suddenly it was ok for us to sit at “their table”. This seriously annoyed me considering that in the middle of our semi-confrontation I decided to sit down and then it became “my table”, and not even some Vampire bitch was going to make me move.
Do you think they are so ill-behaved because they sleep all day and only come out at night with others of their kind? Perhaps they are immune to bad behavior because they are surrounded by it? I really don’t understand this rude, selfish, inconsiderate, audacious, and disrespectful behavior. It’s time to learn how to behave in public you poor trust fund/hipster/vampires.
Things that are inappropriate and you should never say about any persons jewelry ever:
"Is that genuine?"
Especially when the ring in question is on that persons left ring finger and they work in a very high end jewelry store. Please find some manners deep within yourself, and take into consideration your environment. The sad thing about this comment is that it was made by an older women who should know what is and is not appropriate to say because she comes from a generation where good manners mattered.
Acceptable things to say if you are unsure that the item in question is indeed "genuine":
What type of stone is that?
That's beautiful! (Generally speaking if you say this to the person you are speaking with they will give you some kind of information on the item in question).
Other unacceptable things to say (unless you are in this persons close circle of friends and these are normal questions that you discuss about any type of item) are*:
How big is your ring?
How much did it cost?
*Also, keep in mind sometimes it's all about how you phrase it:
Inappropriate: Where is that from?
Appropriate: That's lovely, where did you find something so ____________? Fill in the blank with words like: Unique, different, unusual, eye catching, exceptional, individual, uncommon, or striking. You do not actually have to feel this way about the item in question, but it is the polite thing to do.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Pole leaners. You know the type...
The train's packed in the morning, of course it's running late, and you're barely squeezed in. Then there's Suzy Q, who is at least 5'7" and is of course deep in conversation about this lame party she went to last night, and her lame boyfriend, and probably something else particularly lame. There she is leaning against the pole. You're 5'2" and you're barely tall enough to reach the top hand rail and the fact of the matter is that it's probably too packed for you to even make it over to where it begins anyways. Now I know you're thinking why not just ask her to move over? Seems simple enough, right? But Suzy Q is always too wrapped up in her conversation to notice you, even if you're saying excuse me to her, or your knuckles are digging into her back because you've managed to barely grab onto the bit of pole she's not completely hogging. So there you are stuck, trying not to tumble into others and hearing all about Suzy Q’s lame-o life. I’m sorry Suzy, but I just don’t care.
The moral of this story? Don't be a pole leaner, short people everywhere will hate you.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
- \ˌən-ik-ˈsep-tə-bəl, -ak-\
- 15th century
- Main Entry:
- \bi-ˈhā-vyər, bē-\
- alteration of Middle English behavour, from behaven
- 15th century
Synonyms actions, bearing, comportment, conduct, demeanor, deportment
Related Words etiquette, form, manners, mores, proprieties; amenity, civility, courtesy, decorum, politeness; air, attitude, carriage, poise, pose, posture, presence; aspect, look, mien; formality, protocol, rules; custom, habit, pattern, practice (also practise), trick, wont; convention, fashion, form, mode, style; affectation, attribute, characteristic, mark, trait; distinctiveness, oddity, peculiarity, singularity, strangeness, uniqueness, weirdness